The Significance of Today
by addisonsderek
Summary: Addison receives a package, and Derek notices that she receives them each year on the same exact day. She never tells him what it is or who it's from. His curiosity wanders, and before he asks her about them, the packages stop coming. Though, one day, Addison finally confronts Derek about it, revealing a part in her past that he's completely unaware of.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A two-part story inspired by a prompt! That's all I'm telling you, enjoy!**

* * *

February arrived much faster than anybody had expected, just as the first snowfall of the year, and reality within setting in all too quickly. Nobody dared to speak, fearful of eliciting an evocation that reminded her of something so fleeting.

Supportive words and constant reassurances seemed foreign, and close friends and family stepped around egg shells, avoiding the agony and pain that occurred on this day.

But, silence is all she needed to cope with the loss, and sometimes, that was enough.

However, as the anniversaries that commemorates the significance of this day keep approaching each year, sometimes, she wishes she can unveil her sorrows to the person she loves most.

But she can't do it.

She's afraid that he'll look at her differently – somehow. Because as she allows the importance of this day to consume her, and continues to suffer in silence each year, she wants to allow her husband to cradle her in his arms and reassure her that what she had decided was the right decision at the time.

But she can't tell him, because the fear that emanates from her childhood of being judged holds the possibility of being transferred over to her husband. She doesn't want the questioning looks or the gazes of disappointment from him.

That's why she accepts the silence, even if it destroys her inside.

.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･

A fluorescent white illuminates the expanse of the horizon, occurring simultaneously with the recurring rumbling echoes in the distance, and a heavy downpour following shortly after.

She only stirs lightly, where a deep slumber is wavering close within her grasp that it's still possible to achieve a couple more hours of sleep. She isn't bothered by the tumultuous uproars of the developing storm occurring outside, so she habitually ignores it as she sinks deeper into the comforts of her mattress – inching closer to her husband to acquire the warmth radiating off his body.

It's now approaching dawn, the exhaustion is still discernible from the aches engulfing her body, and the significance of today's date and the manic storm hasn't dawned on her just yet. But when another streak of bright, fluorescent light enlightens the overcast skies, the importance of today has settled in, jolting her from her slumber.

He notices the cold engulfing to where his arms were previously draped over, processing that his arm is no longer encompassing his wife's protruding stomach. His eyes open abruptly, finding his wife sitting up and cradling her stomach. He instantaneously turns towards the nightstand, hurriedly turning on the lampshade and sitting up to join his wife, concern washing over him.

"Addison," he breathes, trepidation perceptible in his voice. "Are you okay? The baby?"

She only beams softly, reassuring him there's nothing wrong – at least nothing wrong with her medically. He returns the gesture with a grin, sighing with relief and letting his fingers trail along the expanse of her swollen belly. "Is she being active again?"

Addison simply shakes her head in response and she's lying. Their daughter is being active, thought it wasn't the reason why she was awoken. It's today's date, and the latent meaning behind it – the day in Addison's life that Derek is very unaware of, and she's still hesitant on opening up and revealing why today is so hard on her.

Derek's smile falters. He's about to ask her what's wrong – to wonder why she's up so early – but instead, Addison's legs dangle from their bed, getting up and heading towards their bedroom door.

He doesn't pursue after her immediately – waiting – to create a safe distance, providing her a sense of privacy before uncovering why she's acting so strange.

.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･

He gives her an hour, a full hour of privacy before joining her downstairs.

He should be getting ready for work, but his mind tends to wander elsewhere whenever Addison experiences a shift in her emotions or is feeling under the weather. His hair remains tousled from his slumber, clad in his indigo plaid pajama bottoms and a dark grey t-shirt. Descending down the stairs, he finds Addison in fetal-position on their couch, an expressionless face.

"Addison..."

He doesn't hesitate to invite himself and join her on the couch, pressing a light kiss on her temple before proceeding. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

She sniffles, turning her gaze towards Derek. It registers to him that she's been crying, and he's unsure of what's caused the flow of tears and why she's acting so odd. "I'm fine," she replies, almost inaudibly. "I'll manage."

"You can tell me anything, Addie." Derek reassured. "What's on your mind?"

She doesn't respond.

Derek sighs almost defeatedly, running his hand through his curled locks out of frustration. He wants her to open up, reveal all the emotions she's concealing – good and bad. He's known her for seventeen years in total, slowly learning that whenever she voiced that she was fine, she wasn't. And over time, whenever she decides to keep it all to herself, it was never good for her emotionally.

"Do you remember what we had promised each other before when we were trying to salvage our marriage for the third time?"

Addison gives him a questioning look. It's been two years since the both of them had decided to give their marriage—not a second change—a third chance after the incident with Meredith at the prom, and what had happened after the infamous Seattle Grace prom was now buried deep in the past. "Why are you bringing that up?"

"Because when we decided to try again, we both promised each other to be honest and open with each other – the good and the bad," Derek explained, softly. "So, Addie, please let me in. I hate seeing you like this."

She's preparing to leave the couch, but Derek takes her hands in his, genuinely gazing into her eyes to show that he's concerned. Her shoulder slumps, her gaze being directed to the ground. "No, Derek, you won't look at me the same," Addison admits. "You won't understand."

"Disregard what I did in the past," Derek admitted. "Whatever it is that's bothering you, I would never look at you differently. I wouldn't love you any less."

She glances at him, apprehension conspicuously illustrated on her face. He smiles reassuringly, caressing her hands with his thumb. "Believe me, I would never look at you any differently."

Addison musters a smile to the best of her ability to reassure Derek, but he knows it's an unconvincing move, growing so acquired to her coping mechanisms when she's hurting. She still possesses the same trepidation as she did earlier, but it's a step forward in getting her to confess on what's bothering her.

"We're both going to be late for work," Addison mentioned. "I'll tell you everything that you need to know tonight, okay?"

"Okay," Derek replied, beaming softly. "That sounds good to me."

And habitually, he leans in and softly pecks her cheeks.

"And Derek?" Addison said, he looks at her. "I've been wanting to tell you for a long time, but it's just hard on me."

His face falls, his mind wandering on how long Addison has been suffering in silence. But, he doesn't feel hurt, there was no need to be.

She's afraid that if she told him, he would look at her differently. Maybe New York Derek would, but after all the mess they have been through these past two years, he's much more empathetic and less indifferent.

"Don't worry, Addie," he reassures again. "I understand."

Except he doesn't understand.

He doesn't understand because he has no idea what Addison had been through for her to conceal it from him this long.

.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･

"Hey, Dr. Shepherd," Alex Karev calls. "Do you mind setting this in Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's office? I would do it myself but Arizona wants me rounding on the patients in a few minutes."

Derek hurriedly scribbles his signature on the dotted line, shutting the chart and turning to the nurses. He looks up, finding Alex Karev holding a small package, addressed to Addison.

"What is that?"

"It's a package," Alex replies, rather impatiently. "Now will you take this and set this in Addison's office before Arizona finds a brick and hits me with it?"

"Oh yeah, of course."

Alex hands over the package to Derek, and before he begins walking over to her office, he examines the address on the box once again, not recalling anyone familiar in Portland, Oregon.

Alex hands over the package to Derek, and before he begins walking towards the direction of her office, he examined the address on the package:

Grace M. Rutherford  
0109 NW Thurman St  
Portland, OR 97210

His face contorts into confusion, not recalling anyone familiar in Portland, let alone a person named Grace.

But, he remembers, seeing a package each year. They're Addison's numerous, mysterious packages she receives annually. He's grown curious to what these packages contain, but he's never bothered Addison about it, reminding himself it's up to her own desire to tell him about it. Though, this is the first time he's examined the address on the side, mainly because Addison has them whisked away before he sees it a second time.

They used to appear at their front door, but suddenly, they stopped coming. But by examining the receiving address, it's evident that Addison has informed her to send the packages directly to her office rather than to their home.

"Where did you get that?"

He's so consumed in the written addresses, and remembering how these packages used to be delivered to their home that he doesn't notice her approach him. He turns around slowly, though, when he's facing her, he doesn't respond to her.

She's stern, but simultaneously, she's shattered. What significance do these packages hold to her that caused her to hide them from him? She asks again, and her gaze is what makes the room cold.

"Where did you get that?"

Again, he doesn't answer.

"Derek, I swear to God," Addison seethes. "You couldn't wait until tonight? You had the audacity to go through my office?"

He looks at her confusingly, which causes Addison's face to fall. "I didn't go through your office..."

She looks away, humiliated. "Addison, who's Grace?"

This time, Addison is the one who doesn't answer. Her gaze is still fixated on the linoleum floor, not wanting to meet Derek's questioning gaze.

"I've seen these packages before, when they were sent to our house. I never asked you about them because it was your business and not mine. But they stopped coming one day, and I always wondered what were in these." Derek explained, gesturing to the package.

Again, she's remains quiet, not meeting his eyes.

"Addie," he says, softly. "Who's Grace? She seems important to you."

Addison hesitates, contemplating whether or not she should reveal who Grace is to Derek on the surgical floor where several nurses are discretely eavesdropping on their conversation. But, she can't hide the truth anymore when Derek has discovered her mysterious packages.

She looks up, cerulean meeting azure. Derek looks at her encouragingly, reassuring her again that she can tell him anything – good and bad.

"Grace," Addison whispers, barely audible. "Grace is my daughter."

* * *

 **A/N: Did you see that coming? Also, my writing is going downhill, and I just realized the stories (which are incomplete) that I post on here all have kids that Derek and Addison deserved so much. Anyways, shoot me a review and tell me if you were shook at all :)**


	2. Chapter 2

_"Grace is my daughter."_

They're in her office, hidden away from the entirety of the hospital, cautious of unveiling a detail in their personal lives from the inquisitive nurses that plague the surgical floor. She's revealed a part of her life to him, a part of her past that he was never informed of until now. Now, it's just them; Addison-and-Derek, succumbed into silence, neither are certain on how to proceed on the situation.

The package has been set aside, sitting on Addison's desk unopened. She's sitting on the couch, her face buried into her hands, afraid of looking him in the eyes and expecting the sheer disappointment.

But Derek isn't disappointed at her or looking at her any differently - just as he promised this morning. He wants to talk about Grace and learn this part of Addison's past she had decided to conceal. It isn't his place, nor should he pressure her into telling him. It was her story to tell, and that meant it was up to her when she would feel comfortable enough in sharing this information to him. Right now, what he needs to do is be there for her and listen.

"Derek," she calls, softly. "I didn't want you to find out this way. I was planning on showing you, you know - later tonight."

"No, Addie, this isn't your fault," Derek reassured. "It's my fault, I should have just set the package in your office like Alex told me to. I should have just waited until tonight, but I was just curious. I should have just minded my own business. I'm sorry for interfering in this part of your life."

"I know you, Derek. You're interested on learning more about her – when I told you who Grace was to me."

She searches his eyes, and she sees hope glimmering in the deep azure. But she shakes her head, knowing exactly what he's thinking. "She isn't yours."

The hope that was glimmering in his eyes quickly disperses. His mind wanders, and he feels anger beginning to rise. But, before he can react, he allows her to talk – to explain; something post-New-York-Derek wouldn't do.

"Grace isn't yours, and she isn't Mark's either," Addison clarified. "I had Grace in the middle of my senior year of high school – February. She would be twenty-two today."

He joins her on the couch, taking her hand and intertwining his fingers with hers to provide support; nodding to indicate that he's listening.

"I wanted to keep her. I mean, I thought it wouldn't be so bad raising a kid on your own at eighteen," Addison started, voice low. "But, growing up, becoming a doctor has always been my dream. So, I applied to Yale while I was pregnant, under the impression my family was willing to look after her while I was away. But, my family - it wasn't like your family. We're so distant with each other, and Bizzy has lacked maternal instinct all her life, so what made me think that she'll show some affection to my kid? Though I was still set on keeping her, and I thought I could just live at home and take care of her while still going to college."

She pauses, and Derek smiles at her, squeezing her hand for comfort and urging her to continue.

"But the day I got accepted into Yale, just a few weeks before Grace was due, it was surreal. It was a step closer in living in my dreams, and that's when it dawned on me - I didn't want her to grow up in an environment if I'm constantly gone. I had the capability of hiring a nanny to look after her, but that was my childhood, and I didn't want her growing up in the same, unloved, and detached atmosphere as I did..."

Addison looks up, her eyes slowly beginning to fill with tears. Derek takes his free hand, brushing his thumb across her cheek to catch the tears that managed to slowly cascade down. And with the other hand, he squeezes her hand again for reassurance, knowing that the difficult part was coming next.

"I eventually turned to adoption, and meticulously, I looked for a suitable family that alleviated my concerns for her as she grows up. I came across the Rutherford's - Madison and Thomas – a happily married couple, both nurses. When I met them, they disclosed to me that they have been trouble conceiving, and from the looks on their face, I could easily tell they were desperate in having a child to look after. And at that moment, I knew Grace would grow up in a loving, supportive, and welcoming family.

"Grace was unexpected, but she was so loved - so loved in the nine months I carried her to the four hours I spent with her before the Rutherford's claimed her as their daughter," Addison explained, soft sobs becoming evident. "They let me name her, despite that she was theirs; Grace Montgomery Rutherford. They allowed me to be a part of her life, but I didn't want to get attached to her and have second thoughts. Despite my concerns for having second thoughts, Madison and Thomas had still decided upon on keeping it as an open-adoption, and as of today, it still is."

"So, the packages addressed from Grace," Derek said, slowly. "It's her communication to you?"

"Not at first. When Grace was growing up, I would get the packages as a way of Madison and Thomas updating me on her life by sending me a lengthy letter and a plethora of pictures. But now, Grace and I have implemented it as our way of keeping in touch with each other."

There were several emotions that Derek was enduring, but despite his past indifference towards Addison, none of the emotions he's currently enduring was disappointment. Though, he was still shocked, trying to process every detail she had revealed about a part of her life he was never aware of.

"You're not mad, right?"

Her voice quivers when she asks him, dreading the probable rage and rejection that came along with her revelation. She watches him carefully, and she tries to read his facial features only to be lost in translation.

"I'm not mad, and I'm also not disappointed."

Addison's eyebrow arches slightly, confused at his vague answer, "Then what are you feeling?"

"I'm glad," Derek answered, genuinely. "I know it isn't easy talking about what you went through. I'm glad that you told me, and I think that's enough."

"But..."

He smiles, taking her hand and pressing a light kiss, shaking his head.

"No 'buts'," Derek clarified. "Next year, you won't have to go through this alone because I'll be there for you. What you had decided may have not been easy back then, but given the situation, it was the right decision at the time."

.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･

He has a craniotomy scheduled in an hour, allowing Addison to have the annual contact with her daughter by opening the long-awaited package. Derek wanted to give her the privacy, informing her that he's leaving to prep his patient. Though Addison had insisted him to stay, and almost immediately he obliges and stays – he couldn't not be there for her.

She opens the package with such delicacy as if she opened it too fast, her communication with her daughter will be short-lived; just as it did twenty-two years ago. So, he stays quiet, watching her as happiness unravels from tiny objects that are included in the package: an envelope, a couple of pictures, and a mini Columbia University pennant.

Addison gasps at the sight of the Columbia University pennant, and carefully, she takes it into her hands. "Oh my god."

Derek is obviously confused, unaware of what had been said in the letter from the previous package. Though, with Grace turning twenty-two this year, he assumed that she had been accepted to Columbia University to complete a graduate program.

"She got in, Der," Addison breathes. "She got in."

Although he hadn't known about Grace's existence until recently, and that she wasn't his daughter, she was his half-daughter. He sees the happiness deriving from Grace etched onto Addison's beaming smile, the tears of delight that are descending along her cheeks once she had discovered that Grace had been accepted to her alma mater. He replaces a conversation with his reassuring, dreamy smile to show how proud he is for Addison and Grace.

She reaches for the photos next: Grace at her Yale graduation to holding her acceptance letter in front of Columbia.

He looks over Addison's shoulder as she shuffles through the pictures thrice, and he grasps that Grace is a splitting image of Addison; from nose and eyes to smile. Though, there are features that she had acquired from her unmentioned father – like her hair, a dark hazel instead of Addison's dark auburn hair.

His mind wanders to Grace's father, wondering who he is and how involved he was with Addison – were they exclusive or was he just her high school fling? Addison hadn't mentioned him previously, so he decides to not mention his curiosity about Grace's father to Addison.

This thought leads to Derek thinking about their unborn daughter, wondering whether if she will look more like him and have Addison's personality or vice-versa. But, as he wonders about their daughter's facial features, the thought dawns on him suddenly, never realizing the impact on Addison of what it must be like carrying and having another daughter. Derek remembers what had happened this morning; Addison's hands resting protectively on her protruding stomach to finding her so distraught on the couch.

"Addison," he calls, softly. "Can I ask you something?"

Addison pauses, setting the photos of Grace aside and giving him his attention. She nods slowly, which prompts Derek to continue, "This morning, you were so devastated and I'm just wondering how you feel about having another daughter again."

.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･

 _They're in an exam room, Addison's stomach exposed and Derek watching the ultrasound intently. Nancy Shepherd had insisted on performing the ultrasound, despite flying two-thousand eight hundred sixty-one miles from New York to Seattle._

 _"So, are we finding out the sex today or are we waiting until Baby Shepherd makes their entrance into the world?" Nancy asks, leaning over. "Please tell me that you want to find out because I really want to know."_

 _Addison's pregnancy was rather unexpected, but they were both elated to be parents. However, they haven't had much space for discussion on whether or not they wanted to know the sex of their baby, as they still were recovering from the aftermath of adultery._

 _Derek glances at Addison for an answer. His eyes are eager and hopeful, though, Addison seemed uninterested in the topic, his smile faltering before turning to Nancy._

 _"I think we're going to wait," Derek answered._

 _"No, Der, I think we should find out now," Addison interjected, touching his arm. "It's going to be hard decorating the nursery."_

 _Nancy smiled, reaching for the transducer and moving it around before she laughs, "Sorry, Derek, from what I'm seeing, you're going to be stuck with another girl."_

 _"Addie, did you hear that? We're having a girl!"_

 _Addison smiled, though, it was forced, devastated that she was having another daughter – a daughter from a part of her life that Derek is completely unaware of. She pretends to be happy because Derek is just as happy as the day they found they were expecting, even if it destroys her inside._

.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿*ﾟ'ﾟ･

Derek has handed his craniotomy over to Shadow-Shepherd, as he consoles Addison as her sobs become much heavier. He allows for her to cry it out as he cradles her, pressing light kisses on her head until her sobs and breathing became softer.

"It must have not been easier for you, Addie," Derek whispered.

She doesn't respond and he isn't expecting a response, as her face continues to be buried in his indigo scrubs and staining it with her tears. Through the subtle sobs, she pushes herself up and gazes into Derek's eyes, "Derek, please just promise me something."

Derek takes his hand and softly pushes away her tear-stained strands away from her face, gently tucking it behind her ear. "Just promise me you'll never leave me and her, okay?"

"What makes you think I'm going to leave?"

"Because it's what you do best!" Addison exclaimed. "Grace's father just walked away without hesitation, and Derek, I cannot have someone leave me and my daughter again."

"I would never leave you and her, I promise you that," Derek promised. "I grew up without a father, and I can't see myself not being present in our daughter's life. I don't want her growing up and not knowing who her father is."

Derek takes both of her hands and caresses them, "I want to be there for her first breath, soothing her cries at two in the morning, her first steps, and her first words. I want to be able to witness all her 'firsts' with you. So, Addison, I promise you that I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

 **A/N:** **A little AU twist on Addison's teenage years - no braces, lisps, and forced Star Wars conversations with Skippy Gold. I am planning on ending this with an epilogue, however, let me know what you think :)**


End file.
